Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Have Faith in Your Prayers

Hello hello. Today's post is going to be a positive message to myself and to everyone finds something inspiring in it. I've been extremely negative lately and that needs to be changed. I finally managed to focus on the bright side of my life and that helped a lot to be less worried and more happy. I found my way out of all the negativity I've been carrying around through prayers. I know it's nothing new but I'll share my personal experience anyway.

As a lady I have my time when I get so upset over basically nothing at all. There's nothing wrong with that, it's okay to feel sad sometimes and to share that with your favorite person. Luckily, I have quite a lot of these people in my life. But sometimes it feels so deep that words can't describe how I feel anymore, sometimes life gets so hard on me and I don't feel like sharing anymore. All what I need at that moment is something stronger than letting all my feelings out to somebody that might get upset for me or get annoyed because of me.

 I found a way to release everything in my heart out without getting worried about anything. I started a while a go to let everything out in my prayers, my feelings, thoughts, dreams and hopes, everything. I tried to be a better person than I was, a better Muslim than I used to be. That helped me to focus on the things that I want the most in my life. I started praying for my dreams to be true and for my sorrows to be vanished, I can assure you it gets better every time.  I started praying for myself and for everyone in my life and that helped me to be much better and it filled my heart with joy and happiness.

I know my prayers will take time before they happen but I'm willing to wait for it as long as it takes. I have faith that everything I prayed for will come true, maybe not today or tomorrow but eventually. I know I make a lot of mistakes and maybe some of you will think it's not going to happen to anybody but only those who do good things. Well, if you really believe that you need to realize that Allah take it all, from those who make plenty of mistakes and those who have done none at all (which they don't actually exist).

Since I started my new thing, I've noticed that my life finally has a meaning, I've been so much better and I really like the way I feel. I believe everything will be just fine and better than I ever imagined. I don't have to worry anymore about anything at all but I still have those moments when I get worried or when I overthink or overanalyze things in my life. I still have them but with better vision on what's coming next. I stopped being that terrified woman although it gets into me rarely. My panic attacks started to get better, I don't have them whenever I have to present something in public (I still hate public speeches though) but everything is getting better. I also started to feel more comfortable with my failures and I finally made peace with them.

I believe that every failure I had in my life since I was a little girl made me the person who I am today and at the moment I'm comfortable with who I am. I used to have no regrets but for a short period in my life I've been regretting quite a lot of things and now I believe they just meant to happen for some reason. Although I don't see clearly how my life is going to be like or how many times I'm going to fail before I reach what I want but I believe that since my life is in the hands of Allah then why should I be worried? There's no reason to be worried at all.
As a human being, I know sometimes it's hard to have faith in things you don't actually see and people sometimes get annoyed for not having what they want after so many prayers. But always remember if it's meant to be, it will be. If you prayed for something and it took so much time don't give up on it. It will happen, have faith in Allah and everything will be just fine. Don't underestimate Allah's power for achieving what you want, trust Allah with your life and with everything you have.  

    Xx <3

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Too polite to be accepted!


Hello hello. Guess what? Another post about me complaining. Exciting huh! Well, this time is not so different from the last time I complained but the topic is a little weird. I'm sorry if there's anyone reading my posts secretly and got bored of all the negativity I'm sending. My life is clearly full of idiots.
Obviously, it's pretty important to be nice with people whether you know them or not, whether they're nice to you or not. At least that what my mother taught me! But recently I've got some complaining about being "too nice" or "too polite" with people! Apparently, its trendy to be rude and unfortunately I didn't know that. One of my friends told me once that she really hates it when I'm being polite to her. She hates my good morning/good night texts. She hates how's your day going texts and all that kind of texts! She told me to stop being too nice because that was killing her. That was a little offensive but don't worry I didn't take it. I thought .maybe she's on her period or something 
I was extremely nice to her because that is what my mom taught me to be (I didn't say that to her though). The thing is, I'm trying to be very nice with people not because I'm desperate for them to like me or I'm so in love with them but because I hate it when people be so rude to me sometimes. I'm nice with them because this is the way I want them to treat me. Can't you get that? It's pretty simple, I'm good with you which means there will be no reason for you to be rude with me unless you're a bully or something. Not to mention those who actually take my compliments literally and start being cocky for some weird reason. 
I just can't get it, why can't they just be nice for a change? We only live ONE LIFE. Is it that hard for them to accept the good in people and try to ignore or change (if it's possible) the bad in them? Does what they do or say really matter after they all pass away? All what we're going to leave behind us is nothing but memories, the good and the bad ones. Don't be a bully or a jerk unless you want to be remembered this way. Be polite and kind to everybody it's really not gonna coast you a thing.
 I wish if they could understand that I want nothing to do with them by being too nice. All what I really want is to be remembered by everybody with good things. I want to wipe their tears and to make them smile, that would make me feel amazing. I want them to be inspired by me to do good things and to feel comfortable with me. I want my friends to stop worrying about the world and to complain to me about what made them cry the other night or how much pressure they've been taken lately. I want to be that kind of person. Everyone needs to know their value and I'm willing to tell them how much I appreciate their existence in my life. I'm willing to remind them how much I love them every morning and every night. I only have this life and after I die no one would send them that long messages on behave of me to remind them how much I loved them and cared about them.

Apparently some of them used to hate it, I'm not actually sure whether they hate that kind of texts or they just didn't want them to be sent by me. Either way, it's really hard to be refused, dumbed or judged for nothing but being extra nice. I feel like I'm running out of options here, I'm sick of trying my best to be good with everybody equally and being judged for that too. It feels like they have nothing else to do but judge me and complain about whatever I'm doing. Should I stop being nice to them or should I cut them out of my life?  

Seriously, why always people find something to hate, judge or complain about me? Am I that bad? What have I done to them to make them say nasty things about me? What made them think that I hate for them to have a good life or to be happy? I wish if I could know. I seriously have no idea why am I stuck in that dark spot of people hate. Give me a chance to show you how good I am without judging me in the middle of it. Give me a way out and I promise, you won't regret it. Give me some credit for being nothing but nice to you although you hate it. I'm sick of cutting people out of my life. I used to have lots of friends and now I'm left with few of them I hope they last forever..
And you know what kills me the most is that they all know it deep down that I won't do a thing to hurt them. they all know that I wish them nothing but all the happiness in the world. I'm 100% sure they know how much I loved them, respected them and cared about them.

All of a sudden I feel like I'm trapped in the middle of nowhere waiting for that day when I finally leave all of this behind. Maybe I should've ended my toxic relationships with them before it got into me. I feel like I'm letting them take the best out of me and I'm seriously thinking to stop fixing what's already broken. I'll definitely try to stop being friends with anyone doesn't appreciate me enough.


Monday, July 14, 2014

Mr. Right

Hello hello. Well, I'm a bit confused and annoyed recently. There are a lot of people trying to convince me to get married. I wrote this post to reveal my true feelings and to say the things I should've said to them but obviously I didn't. Yay ;( 

As we all know, it's difficult to find the right person while we're surrounded with the wrong ones. And to be quite honest it's really hard to pick which one worth the trouble since they all share the stupid gene, or maybe most of them to be fair.

Since I'm 23, marriage is the number one topic everyone around me talks about! To them, it's quite abnormal to be unmarried yet, I either have a serious problem that prevent me to get married or I'm too ugly for anybody to look at me. It's hard to convince them that I'm waiting for the one and only. In their narrow minds, every man on earth is the one and only unless he has no money/job or family.

They find it difficult to believe that a woman can be independent, can have a career and a life without involving men in it. Honestly, life would be much easier without all the drama, without trying to please that guy or the society around you. If he's not the one DON'T even think about him.

I see lots of women suffer with their husbands but they won't get divorce for similar reasons. They either have children they don't want to hurt or they can't handle being divorced in such a cruel society. These are the main reasons that most women share. It's either very stupid or really stupid to be stuck in unhealthy relationship for reasons that can be fixed after they fix their broken hearts. I'm not saying divorce is the right thing to do, I'm only saying if he's not the right one don't bother to be with him. Leaving him is much easier than involving yourself in a relationship you wont be happy in, a life that would be hard to fix just to please everyone around you. Dont do it unless you want to, unless you're willing to take all the risks and never regret it.

Another thing to mention, most of those women who suffer the most with their miserable lives are the ones who judge the unmarried ones. I've noticed that they put a lot of effort to convince the unmarried women that marriage is the answer to their prayers.  

Maybe they think it's the best thing  to have children, to be a mother and wife but not all women share the same dreams. Not all of us women want that kind of life. If I know I'm not good near children or if I'm not good with men or maybe I'm not going to be a good housewife and that life would kill me then why in the world would I bother myself and get married just to please the people around me or just to stop them from judging me?

Not to mention, they won't stop judging anyway! It's annoying and honestly it's driving me insane. I've got lots of question on why I'm still single yet and why I refuse to get married. They even said that I'm really stupid and childish for waiting my prince charming because he's not even exist! Alright, that was too much for me to take. I don't like hurting people but in that moment I was gonna do it anyway. Thank god I did not!

Most of those people can't get it, me and some of the other singles want nothing to do with men. I can live a perfect, healthy and  successful life that is full of achievements and happiness without my prince charming involve in it. If he's meant to be I will find him, if not, it won't be the end of the world or my world for that matter.

Living a healthy life, being happy and successful is all what matter. It doesn’t have to be so hard for everyone in my life to accept the things I want, they don’t have to judge me on what I want because it's different from what they want. I don’t have to be like what they want to be accepted. If you want me as a friend or as a daughter accept me for who I am. I'm happy this way and if you ever cared about me stop worrying that I might envy you for being married and I'm not. It never crossed my mind at all because I'm not that person, if I want something so badly and you got it before I do be sure that I'm more than happy for you. That doesn’t apply only on marriage but anything else in life. I'm quite happy with my life the way it is and marriage is the last thing I want and I want to get it my way not yours to be normal in your eyes. Don’t think less of me because I'm not like you, you have your life the way you want and I have mine. We don't have to be the same to accept each other, yes I'm different and weird sometimes but you either take it or leave it. And just so you know, I won't settle for less to please anyone other than myself. You better do the same for you own good!

Friday, July 4, 2014

Fears of the Unknown

Hello ladies. (If there's anyone reading my post other than my best friend)

Well, since I have trouble in sleeping I thought I would post something instead of moving my head side to side in attempt to find my way to sleep. Ah! 

Well, recently I'm having serious fears about my future since I know nothing about obviously. I spent most of my nights thinking a lot and trying to figure out a way, a plan or whatever that could help me to have a little control over it. Although I believe that no matter what I do now  won't particularly happen in the future (unless Allah has planned it for me). I know that by heart and that's what keeping me sane! But I'm trying to calm myself a little bit by knowing what would I do after I graduate. I had my share with failures and repeating the same mistakes terrifies me. So that control I'm looking for is basically a little something to relief my worried mind and my broken soul (that was deep! :$ ). 

I can assure you that I have no clue what I'm gonna do next in my life but I know it wont be nothing. What really scares me, is that I'm not sure whether its gonna be something big that might keep me up for several nights working on it or small that might also keep me up for my entire life regretting my choice. I don't want to sound pathetic but its not easy for me to know what I really want to make in my life or to make for a living. I'm not only looking for big, i'm also looking for something that could help me to be creative. Something that suits me so I can do my best at it. 

Moreover, I'm pretty annoying person! I get bored of doing the same things over and over. I used to love literature and writing but at the moment I'm not so much into it. Now I feel like I really want to be a lawyer and be helpful to people but I'm scared I might lose my interest in that too. I also love makeup and I'm seriously thinking to develop myself in it. I have different things that I want and they share nothing in common. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or I really need to get my shit together and decide what works best for me. Maybe in the end I want them all at the same time! You know, nothing is impossible. 

After all, no matter how many nights I waste on thinking nothing will magically happen to me unless I work for it.