Friday, July 4, 2014

Fears of the Unknown

Hello ladies. (If there's anyone reading my post other than my best friend)

Well, since I have trouble in sleeping I thought I would post something instead of moving my head side to side in attempt to find my way to sleep. Ah! 

Well, recently I'm having serious fears about my future since I know nothing about obviously. I spent most of my nights thinking a lot and trying to figure out a way, a plan or whatever that could help me to have a little control over it. Although I believe that no matter what I do now  won't particularly happen in the future (unless Allah has planned it for me). I know that by heart and that's what keeping me sane! But I'm trying to calm myself a little bit by knowing what would I do after I graduate. I had my share with failures and repeating the same mistakes terrifies me. So that control I'm looking for is basically a little something to relief my worried mind and my broken soul (that was deep! :$ ). 

I can assure you that I have no clue what I'm gonna do next in my life but I know it wont be nothing. What really scares me, is that I'm not sure whether its gonna be something big that might keep me up for several nights working on it or small that might also keep me up for my entire life regretting my choice. I don't want to sound pathetic but its not easy for me to know what I really want to make in my life or to make for a living. I'm not only looking for big, i'm also looking for something that could help me to be creative. Something that suits me so I can do my best at it. 

Moreover, I'm pretty annoying person! I get bored of doing the same things over and over. I used to love literature and writing but at the moment I'm not so much into it. Now I feel like I really want to be a lawyer and be helpful to people but I'm scared I might lose my interest in that too. I also love makeup and I'm seriously thinking to develop myself in it. I have different things that I want and they share nothing in common. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or I really need to get my shit together and decide what works best for me. Maybe in the end I want them all at the same time! You know, nothing is impossible. 

After all, no matter how many nights I waste on thinking nothing will magically happen to me unless I work for it. 

Xo

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